Challenges
I had a rough start to this class, and it only seemed to get worse as the weeks went on, and this was no joke. There was so much that I had to endure these past few weeks that really challenged my faith in everything. All I could think of was, "Something's gotta give." I was so determined that I was going to be able to finish this course. Whoa, I sure got a reality check this time around. I think now that maybe I should have just taken this semester off and waited until I had a better mindset and was able to challenge myself without being hit with the reality that I was grieving. In everything I do, I push myself to be the very best and always try my very best, and this time around I wasn't doing that, and I know why and probably everyone who has been around me the last couple of months. My mind is in survival mode, and it's hard for me to rewire it to be in learning mode. I found that in the begining of the class I was motivated I had so much plans for this class, because I am so passionate about learning my Anishinaabe language, and reclaiming it for my future generations. I know that learning was going to be hard after the second week, as I was losing motivation and concentration; this was weighing on my heart, not only because I saw my goals slipping through my fingers, but also because I might actually fail this class.
Grief
When you are grieving, you are learning to navigate a whole new life without a key person in there with you. I lost my only son on May 24th, 2026, and every day I wake up remembering that I don't have my son here anymore. Some days are harder than others, and some days are okay, where I get to do normal stuff and feel like I can see some light at the end of the tunnel. These are the days that I can get some work done and feel somewhat accomplished at the end of it. The learning also helps with the grieving, as I am trying to teach myself a prayer in Cree, Cree being the language that I grew up hearing and learning in school. So I naturally gravitate to Cree. With my grief, I learn that I must be patient with myself as my brain is now in survival mode and I am not learning as much as I can. July is slow, and it's creating a lot of uncertainties, and that includes this class. Do I also grieve to take hold and finish me off with this class? Or do I battle it and push past all the heartache and trauma?
The F2
So, on June 28th, we were hit with a tornado that came through our yard, damaging a bit of our stuff. We were blessed and lucky that only material things were lost that day, and no one was hurt. This event has led to problem after problem for myself and my community. I have been picking up the pieces of this event and trying to focus on school, which is difficult, we are dealing with clean up grews coming to our house, as well as adjusters, as well as community members making sure we are okay. Slowly, we are rebuilding, and I can slowly get back into trying to learn my words for the week and keep up with the readings and my goals I have set out for myself.
Flash Flooding....
So now my next challenge is the flooring. Not only two days after being hit with a tornado, but we also get hit with flash flooding in our community and have to declare a state of emergency. Not only has this hindered the beginning of my learning, but it has put my spirits at an all-time low. How am I going to learn all these words? How am I going to find the motivation and drive to finish this class or even pass? I can't help but feel helpless and frustrated at the same time. How is this all happening ? When I need motivation, where is it? Will I find the motivation? Or will I find the key to finishing this blog? Or assignment?
The Break....
Just when I think, okay, I got this, you can do this, these are not all going to be your downfall in this class...my baby girl breaks her ankle. This was to be her summer dancing and trying to find a new groove. It was our whole family plan to hit the pow-wow trail up. She dances jingle, and jingle is the dance of healing; she wanted to help us heal; she wanted to help our aching hearts, hers included. This is only a minor setback, and we all know she'll come back strong and better than ever. This all might seem small, but in the bigger picture it's hard to see all these setbacks as minor when you are learning to navigate a life without one of your family members. I truly wish that our bad luck stops or at least slows down. I don't know how much our hearts can take with all these challenges that are testing me and forcing me to